Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
