i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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