no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
