hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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