i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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