Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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