I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
