Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
