I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize