Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
