Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
