Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
