My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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