I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
