you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
