i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
should my penis look like a turkey
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
