i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize