I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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