I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think people are normalizing furries
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
