I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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