The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
