Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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