I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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