Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
