My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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