Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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