Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
