I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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