some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
either way he was missing a nipple.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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