don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize