Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
