More tranny stories later!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
