Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
