Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
