worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
