My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
