Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
