He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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