i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
