I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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