Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize