Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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