One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
