This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
