She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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