Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is my gift to your gina
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
