Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
