I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
