At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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