I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
