Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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