Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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