is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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