No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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