we have pet lesbian snakes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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