Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
