It was confusing and full of hummus
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
