Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
