Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
