She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
