so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
