singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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