Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
