how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
