I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
