if you like me you must not know who I am
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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