i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
