first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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