He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
