Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
