You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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