does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
