so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
