then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
