Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
