It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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