1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Randomize
