I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize