if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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