Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
