Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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