and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
