What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
