Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
