i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sex in the backyard? Check.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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