i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
