I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
