when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
