I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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