ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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