period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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