I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
