kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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