Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
