Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
