i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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