There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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