im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
