She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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