4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i permit you to call me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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