They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
