Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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