well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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