just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
