Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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