After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
