If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
