me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
