I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
