I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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